


A Sonder Vertigo

by mizue



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: College!AU, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-09-15 07:18:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16928901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizue/pseuds/mizue
Summary: When Johnny asked about Yuta, Taeyong couldn’t even act surprised in any way. Sooner or later the topic would come out; after all, Yuta was his brother’s best friend, whom had become his own friend too.And Taeyong was so tired of playing pretend about all of that, trapped in that situation until, like, forever.Or: Where Taeyong’s a freshman and becomes friends with his brother’s friends, but falls in love with Yuta.





	1. social skills? Is that edible?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! back with a new fanfic, this time a 6shot! same as always: forgive me for any mistakes that you might find, since this is not my 1st language, and I really hope you like it! <3
> 
> ps.: I know around here you guys prefere the "" dialogues instead of the ― ones (does that make sense?), but I am so used to using the ― that I always forget to switch the method. I am sorry for that!

#  _One: social skills? Is that edible?_

 

Taeyong woke up the moment his phone beeped with a message. It was his first day in university and his anxiety was a little bit over the top. He had arrived the day before and spent the day unpacking and setting everything up in his room, and he hadn’t even met his roommate yet, even though ― judging by how the other side of the room was already full of stuff ― he had already arrived. Taeyong didn’t know what to expect.

He grabbed his phone with a sleepy sigh. It was 08h30; what would anyone want from him so early?

> **Bro: “Good morning brat whats your room number?”**

― What? ― Taeyong sighed again, rubbing his eyes and reading the message again. What did his brother want to know his room number for? He had already finished university the year before.

> **Ty: “Why?”**

The answer didn’t take long to come.

> **Bro: “Yuta will pick you up at 9”**

What? Wait, what? Yuta? Who the hell was Yuta and why was he picking him up? What was happening?

A second message arrived right away:

> **Bro: “Hes my bff and hell show u the campus. U re welcome”**

Oh, _that_ Yuta, thought Taeyong. He didn’t know the boy at all, but Johnny had talked about him before. He looked at the time: 08h40. _Shit_. He jumped from the bed and hurried to the bathroom, panicking. He had 20min to shower, dress and eat ― and he didn’t even had food in the room! _Shit, shit, shit._

> **Ty: “Thank you for letting me know earlier, asshole.”**
> 
> **Bro: “Love u 2”**

It was 08h52h when he heard a knock on the door, his hair still a mess and shoes untied. He did his best to brush the hair with his fingers and quickly tied his shoes before opening the door, cursing his brother through the whole time. As soon as he opened the door, he was met with the biggest and brightest smile he had seen in his whole life.

― Hello ― said the handsome guy to whom that smile belonged to, and Taeyong was so mesmerized it took him a few fractions of second to reply.

― Hello.

― I’m Yuta. You must be Johnny’s brother?

― Hmm, yeah, that’s me. ― Taeyong could feel his cheeks burning and the embarrassment was just too much ― I’m Taeyong.

― Nice to meet you. ― Yuta smiled again ― Did Johnny tell you everything?

Taeyong cleared his throat, nervous, but a rush of adrenaline made him answer with a full sentence.

― Define ‘everything’, because he just texted me ten minutes ago telling you would show me the campus.

― Hm. ― Yuta tilted his head, thinking ― Yeah, that’s pretty much everything. Are you ready?

― Hmm, yeah, just uh… give me a moment. ― Taeyong went back inside the room and grabbed his stuff, cursing himself in the process for being such a mess around people. When he got back, Yuta was humming and stopped only when Taeyong closed and locked the door behind him to leave.

― So ― Yuta started while they walked through the corridor ― what are you studying?

― Journalism. And you?

― Computer science. I was actually your brother’s freshman.

― Oh.

A moment of silence fell between them and Taeyong suddenly had a moment of “ _omg I don’t even know this guy where am I going_ ” and his nervousness stroke him like a lightening bold.

― Oh, hmm, thank you ― he said after a while, not daring to look at Yuta ― for doing this.

― No need to thank me, but if you will, do it after I actually do something. ― he chuckled and Taeyong was amazed by his coolness and niceness.

They reached the elevator and Yuta pressed the button to call it, while Taeyong was trying his best to, like, not be awkward. Yuta was really handsome and seemed really nice, and he was his brother’s best friend, so Taeyong wanted to make a good impression. The elevator arrived, they got inside and the doors closed after Yuta pressed the number of the floor. Suddenly, Taeyong felt trapped, with his shoulder brushing Yuta’s and nothing but metal to stare at. Also, Yuta’s perfume was really nice, like wood and apple and cinnamon.

― So, the campus was quite big ― said Yuta ―  and even outside of campus there’s a lot to explore. I’ll show you the basics and, depending on our time, I might show you some cool stuff too. Does that seem ok?

― Sounds perfect.

― Great! ― how could that guy smile so much? It was nerve wrecking ― How much time do you have?

― All free, no classes until Friday.

― Oh, you did well coming earlier. ― the elevator stopped and the doors opened and they both left ― So, can I steal you for the whole morning?

― You don’t have to bother. ― Taeyong mumbled.

― No bother at all! ― he made a thumbs up and gave his big smile ― I love wandering and exploring and it’s nice to show people around.

― Oh, ok then.

― Do you have your schedule with you? It’s probably a good starting point if we go and find out your classrooms first.

Taeyong gulped. His schedule was inside his notebook, which was inside his backpack, in his room. His eyes must have been saying it really loud, because Yuta seemed to understand.

― Got it. ― he said ― No stress. Since you’re in Journalism, most of your classes will probably be at the social sciences department. I guess you don’t know where it is? ― Taeyong shook his head ― Then that’s our first stop.

They left the dorm building and walked too much for Taeyong’s taste. Yuta talked the whole time ― about the flowers in the garden, the statues in the street, and the meaning of everything, and how the gardener was such a nice lady. He seemed to know everything about everything and everyone and the way he talked make it all sound interesting. He had a nice voice and talked with such passion that it was hard to not listen.

Finally, they stopped in front of an old building and Yuta led the way inside.

― Here we are ― he said ― It’s a bit of a walk, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it. I don’t really know the inside of this place, but you can ask that lady over there and she will guide you for sure.

― Nice ― Taeyong finally said ― Thank you.

Yuta nodded in response and then touched Taeyong’s shoulder to let him know they were leaving again.

― Next stop: canteens. ― announced Yuta when they were outside ― We have, like, seven of them. Pretty much each department has it’s own, but you can go to any one of them. Then there’s the general one, that serves everyone on campus and has a lot more meal options than the others.

Taeyong followed him around, taking stairs and passing through a lot of different people. Yuta talked about the history of the university and Taeyong consumed all of his words with attention. Finally they arrived at a blue building (why blue?) and Yuta pointed at the big bold letter saying “Refectory”.

― They have so many dishes here and it is so cheap. They even have Japanese and Chinese food and a section just for Italian. ― Yuta explained with enthusiasm ― I go to the Japanese section a lot, it feels like home.

Taeyong frowned and Yuta blinked.

― You didn’t know? ― the latter asked ― What a lazy friend that Johnny is. ― he rolled his eyes ― I’m Japanese.

Taeyong let out a surprise ‘ _oh_ ’ and Yuta laughed.

― Now you know. So, _wanna_ go inside or move on to the next stop?

Taeyong really wanted to see how that canteen was like, since it sounded so awesome. But he also didn’t want to burden too much of Yuta’s time, so he just said he wanted to continue. Yuta just nodded, nor satisfied nor disappointed.

― Ok then, library here we come.

Yuta continued showing Taeyong around the campus, explaining everything and being a great guide. He even took Taeyong to a small coffee shop ― so small that you’d only notice it if you knew it was there ―, where they both had lattes before continuing the tour. Their last stop was the social services building and suddenly it was lunch time.

― I think that was all. ― said Yuta ― Do you have any question? Am I missing something?

― Hmm…. Are there any clubs?

― Yes! ― Yuta’s eyes lit up ― We have the sports club, which has pretty much every sport you can think of. Then you have the school newspaper, the radio, the photography club… I believe there is a dance club and a yoga class somewhere. And…. Yeah, and the student council. And I think that’s all.  ― All? Taeyong was dumbfounded. There were so many things! So many interesting options and so little time! ― _Wanna_ join some? Because I just might give you, right now, a two hour long speech about the benefits of joining a club.

― No need. ― Taeyong laughed ― I will definitely join one. I just don’t know which one. Any recommendations?

― Well, I’m on the football team and on the student council, so of course I recommend those. What are your hobbies?

― I dance. ― Taeyong blushed ― And I like photography.

Yuta didn’t react like most people did (which was absolute shock, because he was kind of a nerd and no one could ever imagine him dancing). He just pouted and seemed to think for a moment.

― My advice ― he said finally ― is that, since your course is a really theoretical and intellectual one, you pick out some physical activity related club. Maybe dance, since you like it. Your brain will thank you for not overusing it.

Taeyong was amazed at the advice. It was actually really good and smart advice and his perception of Yuta shifted a little bit. The guy was not only nice and cute, but also smart and thoughtful.

― That’s a great idea. ― said Taeyong, honest ― That you, I will probably do just that.

Yuta gave him a big bright smile and a thumbs up and then looked at his watch.

― Alright, I’m hungry. ― he announced ― Want to come and have lunch with me and my friends?

To be honest, Taeyong was scared, since he was not a social person with actual social skills, and he didn’t want to bother Yuta any longer. But he was also really enjoying his company and he was hungry and wanted to meet new people. So, since Yuta’s invite seemed sincere, Taeyong ended up nodding and accepting it.

They walked back to the refectory, with Yuta asking random questions and Taeyong answering with his usual shyness, and a few minutes later Taeyong was surround by three stranger guys who were way too loud and way too crazy. Yuta had the courtesy to present Taeyong to his friends and they all seemed ecstatic for meeting Johnny’s brother.

― He’s having lunch with us ― announced Yuta. Jaehyun, the handsome blonde freshman, immediately pulled the chair next to him and asked Taeyong to sit down (and so he did). Yuta sat right next to him. And so, in the span of the 40 minutes he spent with those guys, eating and talking, he learned that Yuta and Doyoung were Johnny’s friends, but Jaehyun and Donghyuck, despite being freshmen, also knew his brother (somehow). Doyoung was majoring in Physics, Jaehyun in Mechanics and Donghyuck in Music. They were all cool people, funny and nice, and Taeyong could see why Johnny was their friend.

 

― // ―

 

It was Wednesday and Taeyong was already tired. He still felt anxious about pretty much everything, which drained a lot of his energy, and he still hadn’t make any new friends except for Johnny’s ― and those, he hadn’t seen since that day. Taeyong had a hard time socializing, being too shy and too introverted to try and start a conversation with strangers. Even his roommate, which had been his only hope, was out of question, since he barely came in the room.

He was getting hopeless of having those college years like he had dreamed of, surrounded with friends and fun, and started to feel like he was going to be one of those lonely, anti-social kids that leave university with nothing but their diplomas.

He was in the middle of doing his bed when he heard a knock on the door, which startled him. That was weird, but he pulled himself up and opened it ― finding Yuta’s white smile on the other side.

― Hello. ― said the older.

― Hey. ― Taeyong answered, surprised.

― I would have texted you if I had your number. ― said Yuta apologetically ― But I don’t… So I stopped by. Are you free tonight?

― Ugh. ― Taeyong’s brain decided that was the right moment to freeze and he found himself unable to actually process the question; all because Yuta was looking so handsome and bright and was standing in front of his door like a charming prince. ― Yeah… I think so.

― Great! ― Yuta gave him a thumbs up and another one of his branded smiles ― Come have dinner with us, we’re going to the new pizza place downtown. Have you ever been downtown?

― Uh… no?

― Then brace yourself for a new tour! I’ll pick you up at 20h. Is that ok?

Taeyong almost wanted to refuse, because all he wanted to do after classes was sleep or maybe watch some Netflix and then sleep. But Yuta seemed so enthusiastic and his invitation was so nice…

― Ok. ― he replied ― Fine for me.

Yuta said “awesome” and then turned around and left humming some song without another word. Taeyong took a few seconds before closing the door and actually think about what had just happened.

It was only later, though, during his last class, that he realized that _a)_ this lecture would only end at 20h30; and _b)_ he didn’t have Yuta’s number to let him know that. How did that even happen? He would not get to his dorm on time and Yuta would be mad and all of Taeyong’s chances of actually making friends would go to trash.

He scribbled his whole notebook during the class, unable to focus on the lecture because his mind wouldn’t let that matter rest. And then, suddenly it was 19h30 and he was starting to get really anxious. 19h40 and he considered just leaving the class, walk out like so many students usually did ― but that would bring too much attention to him and he couldn’t afford that kind of undesired attention. 19h50 and he closed his eyes, almost praying for a miracle. 20h and he decided he was going to be brave enough and leave. 20h05 and he was gathering the courage, his phone buzzed.

> **Unknown Number: “Hey Tae, Yuta here. You ok? Been knocking on your door but no answer. (asked johnny 4 ur number btw)”**

He let out a sigh so deep in relief that his class mate turned around to look at him. “ _Thank you, friendship gods, for this miracle_ ”, he thought. Trembling, he immediately replied to the text:

> **Ty: I am so so so sorry I forgot my class ended at 20h30 please forgive me**
> 
> **Ty: I am about to leave, I’ll meet you in 5**

He grabbed his stuff, and by the time he was about to actually leave his phone buzzed again.

> **Unknown Number: no no stay there, I’ll wait 4 u just don’t leave ur class**
> 
> **Ty: thank u so much I am so sorry**
> 
> **Unknown Number: =^.^=**

Taeyong was so relieved he dropped his head on the desk and felt like his heart beat was back to normal. That was really close to a total fiasco. _He_ was a total fiasco himself and got really lucky that time, but couldn’t afford to let it happen again, so he saved Yuta’s number straight away and tried his best to (unsuccessfully) listen to the rest of the class.

When teacher dismissed the students, Taeyong ran like his life depended on that, almost tripping on the stairs and dropping his hat on the way. He only stopped when he heard his name being called, and turned around, startled, only to find Yuta waiting for him in front of the building.

― Where are you going in such a hurry? ― the boy asked, amused. Taeyong let out a sigh of relief, but then it suddenly it hit him: Yuta was waiting for him. He felt like a school girl being picked up after classes.

― I was on my way to meet you. ― he answered, honestly ― I am so sorry. ― he bowed intensely one, two times, before Yuta put his hands on his shoulder and gave him a worried look.

― Tae, chill, it’s fine. Really. ― then, smiling endearingly ― Do you need anything or can you come with me right away?

― I-uh… I’d like to drop my books before.

Taeyong regretted it the moment he said it. He was late and dared being petty. He deserved to be slapped.

― You can leave them in my car. ― offered Yuta.

― Oh. ― Taeyong blinked ― Ok. Thanks.

― Then let’s go. ― Yuta pulled him by his elbow in the direction of the parking lot ― Pizza is waiting for us!

 

― // ―

 

 

 


	2. a crush is just a crush until you get crushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took so long to post this :c university is killing me

#  _Two: a crush is just a crush until you get crushed_

 

Yuta was a touchy person, Taeyong already knew that. But it only took him around 30 minutes to actually realize just how touchy he was really. The older just couldn’t stay away from people, touching and hugging and petting, and always smiling that bright smile of his. Not only Taeyong, but pretty much everyone was his victims ― being Sicheng (another freshman that Taeyong met that night) his main prey.  And Taeyong was not averse to skin ship ― quite the contrary, he enjoyed it ―, but he needed to be intimate with the person to do it; so it took him a while to get used to all the “ _hand on shoulder_ ” and “ _touch on leg_ ” type of things that Yuta was always doing. At least the boy was warm and nice and there was nothing unpleasant with his touchiness.

― Winwinie ― yelped Doyoung ― please get a beer to your favourite hyung.

― You have legs and hands, go get it yourself ― replied Sicheng and Taeyong had to hold a laugh to the sassiness.

― That is no way to talk to your hyung. ― whined Doyoung ― Just rude.

― Good job, Winwin. ― Yuta high fived Sicheng and Doyoung let out a angry grunt.

― You’re a bad influence to kids. ― he accused, and then turned to Taeyong ― Please don’t ever let yourself be corrupted by this stinky otaku.

Taeyong didn’t really know how to answer to this, except laughing, and Doyoung rolled his eyes in annoyance. Yuta, on the other side, was laughing his ass off and pulled Taeyong closer to himself, letting then his arm rest on the younger’s shoulder. Taeyong stopped breathing for a moment and looked away to try and hide his cheeks blushing.

― You are the one who’s a bad influence ― Yuta told Doyoung, (fortunately) oblivious to Taeyong’s embarrassment. ― Tae, I am a good hyung, I swear, don’t listen to this troll.

Taeyong managed to smile through his anxiety and Doyoung gave up on the argument, just standing up to go get his beer himself.  Yuta’s embrace on Taeyong’s shoulder became less tight, but his arm didn’t move away, and moments later they were all back to chatting happily.

It was a nice dinner and Taeyong had fun. He was happy and light when he got home, his heart filled with smiles and laughter and hope.

 

― // ―

 

It became normal for Taeyong to hang out with Yuta and his friends and he was slowly getting part of the group. They were all so nice and gentle, treating him like family, and Taeyong just felt comfortable and happy around them. He eventually stated making his own friends too ― like Ten, from English class, and Yukhei, from Social Studies class. And by the end of the month, he had already seen Kun (his roommate) more than five times.

― Dude, can you borrow me your notes. ― Yukhei asked. Taeyong raised an eyebrow in response.

― Did you have sweet dreams, was it? ― he mocked, but gave him his notebook. Yukhei quickly took pictures of the notes and gave the notebook back.

― My hangover is killing me, man. ― whined the boy ― I am so not getting drunk ever again.

― You said that last week. ― Taeyong laughed.

― Are you judging me right now? I hope you’re not judging me right now.

― I am _so_ judging you right now.

He grabbed his stuff and walked out of the classroom, happy that the class was over and he could go to the bar and eat something. Yukhei followed him lazily.

― Stop antagonizing me. ― the Chinese said, and Taeyong just laughed.

Their schedule was kind of messy and they ended up having both of today’s classes at the Engineering Department, because of the computers available in the classrooms. And Taeyong knew that was Yuta’s department, but he wasn’t really thinking about it or had remembered that, so, when he saw the older at the bar, he had a moment of “what” and froze.

Yuta was talking to some boy and his hands were moving in the air like crazy while trying to explain something, but he had a sweet smile on his lips and his hair was so nice that day.

― Dude, what the hell. ― Yukhei cursed when he bumped into him, but Taeyong almost didn’t notice. He was busy trying to decide whether to approach Yuta or pretend like he didn’t seem him and walk away. But by the time he was coming to a decision, Yuta’s eyes had already met them and it was too late to play pretend. A second later, Yuta was waving happily at him and calling his name.

― Oh, you know him? ― Yukhei asked, grinning ― He’s, like, the vice president of the student council and you know him?

But Taeyong wasn’t listening and Yukhei just gave up on him, following the korean on his way to approach Yuta.

― Hey. ― said Taeyong when he was two meters away from his friend.

― Hey, Tae. ― Yuta smiled ― Hey, Tae’s friend.

― Hey. ― Yukhei bowed and Taeyong woke up from his trance just to give his classmate a judging look.

― Hey, me. ― said the boy with whom Yuta was.

― Oh, Taeyong, I believe you haven’t met Taeil. ― said Yuta, touching the said boy’s shoulder ― He’s my friend and was your brother’s classmate too.

― Except that I am still here and he graduated already. ― added Taeil ― Nice to meet you, Taeyong.

Taeyong replied with a shy “ _me too_ ” and managed to smile. Yukhei just stared at everyone with a confused look.

― Oh, uh ― Taeyong woke up and touched Yukhei’s arm to drag the attention to the boy ― This is Yukhei, from my class.

More greetings were exchanged and it was a mess of ‘ _Hellos_ ’ and ‘ _Nice to meet yous’_ , until Yuta finally asked what was Taeyong doing there.

― Today they put our classes here. ― he explained. Yuta nodded.

― We actually have the best cafeteria on campus. ― said Taeil ― So you’re pretty lucky if this is your assigned department for today.

― True indeed. ― agreed Yuta, and he was going to add something, but suddenly looked at his watch and jumped from his char ― Shit, Taeil, we’re late.

Yuta and Taeil left in a hurry, with Yuta apologizing to Taeyong and Taeil waving goodbye with a nice smile. Yukhei was back to being his only companion.

― Duuuuuuude. ― Yukhei called, too excited ― What was thaaat?

― What? ― Taeyong, who was staring blankly at the corner where Yuta had just disappeared, looked back at Yukhei.

― That guy, Yuta. He’s soooo cool.

― I know, right. ― Taeyong laughed, trying to sound natural. Why was he so dumbfounded every time he met Yuta?

 

― // ―

 

― Guess who?

Taeyong would roll his eyes if they weren’t covered by a pair of hands.

― Come on, Yuta, just don’t. ― he sighed. The hands retrieved and a chair was pulled next to him.

― Wrong. ― Jaehyun sat. Then another chair was pulled and that time it was Yuta who sat there.

― I am actually offended that you have mistaken Jaehyun for me. ― he said, faking being hurt.

― Bullshit. ― Taeyong called, but smiled either way ― What are you guys up to?

― We just felt like bothering you. ― said Yuta ― But you’re being boring.

― And you’re being idiots. ― replied Taeyong. He closed his book and stared at the boys, whose pouts were quite funny.

― You hurt my feelings, Tae. ― Jaehyun cried.

― What feelings? You have none.

― Damn! ― Jaehyun dropped his head on the table ― You’re such a cruel monster, Lee Taeyong.

But the latter just rolled his eyes and laid back on his chair, waiting. If they were both there, and if they were both being annoying, that meant that they wanted or needed something.

― What? ― he finally asked.

― We just love you, Taetae. ― Yuta tried pulling out his aegyo, by shaking his hands and blinking cutely. ― And we _kinda_ need your help, too.

― Fucking knew it. ― Taeyong crossed his arms and looked at him with a daring expression.

― Jaehyun, I can’t do it, look at him. ― Yuta shook Jaehyun out of his numbness ― He’s _gon’_ kill me and I am too handsome to die.

― You coward. ― Jaehyun slapped Yuta’s arm ― What about me? I am too young and beautiful to succumb to my fate.

― And I am not Lana del Rey to find your bullshit poetic. ― Taeyong said ― Spit it out, what do you want?

Both Jaehyun and Yuta went silent, until the older finally broke the silence.

― We want your roommate’s number.

Taeyong raised an eyebrow, both confused and interested. What was all the fuss about, if that was it?

― What for? ― he dared to ask, and watched as the two friends shared a look between them.

― We made a bet. ― Jaehyun answered ― We want to find out which one of us is the most handsome in his opinion.

Taeyong gulped. He didn’t want to know the answer, but he asked anyway.

― Why?

― Because he’s hot. ― Yuta replied quickly with a shrug.

Taeyong knew he shouldn’t have asked and he regretted it so much. He had to make an actual effort not to show his emotions, specially to Yuta, and silently slid his phone on the table in their direction.

― I don’t want to know the details. ― he asked, and pretended not so see their friend’s eyes sparkling with excitement. Jaehyun was the one who pick up his phone and searched for the number, before returning it with a smile.

― Thank you, hyung. ― he said ― You’re the best hyung, hyung.

― And you’re a kiss ass. ― Taeyong replied, putting his phone back to his pocket. After his friends left, Taeyong tried to go back to his book, but seemed unable to focus. So he just gave up and went back to his dorm, where he knew he could lay in silence and think about his life choices. And think, specially, about how long was he going to be able to deny his feelings to himself.

 

― // ―

 

Donghyuck was throwing chips to Jaehyun’s face, who was mocking him for having a crush on one of his classmates ― some cute girly girl that he described as “so fluffy I could die”. Taeyong wasn’t very sure if calling someone “fluffy” was really a thing or if Donghyuck was just drunk in love, but he couldn’t judge Jaehyun for mocking the other kid.

― You have to show her. ― said Yuta, actually serious, towards Donghyuck. ― Just go to her and say “ _oppa is here_ ”. She’ll fall for you, mark my words.

― You give the worst advice in the world, Yuta, shut up. ― Doyoung threw him a napkin ― Donghyuck, my kid, what you need to do is help her with her homework and show her how smart and useful you can be. Your looks certainly won’t be your key.

Donghyuck looked at Doyoung with a very offended expression and it was, shockingly, Sicheng ― the always quiet Sicheng ― who saved the situation.

― Don’t listen to these idiots ― he told Donghyuck ― They’re both virgin nerds and don’t know shit about relationships. Doyoung only dates videogames and Yuta watches anime for research. ― Yuta yelled “ _I’m not a virgin!_ ” and Doyoung screamed _“I’m not a nerd!”,_ but Sicheng just ignored them with an eye roll and kept going ― Listen: do what normal people do and try to approach her on a civilized way, maybe ask her for help on something or offer her help on something, and then work on the relationship.

― Sicheng is literally the most virgin person I’ve ever met in my life and yet his advice is the best. ― Jaehyun said. Sicheng sent him a hateful look and Jaehyun gulped in fear.

― I’m just a normal person who thinks like a normal person instead of taking advice from 2D TV shows and zombie videogames. ― replied Sicheng.

― I’m offended. ― said Yuta.

― Me too. ― agreed Doyoung.

― I’m amused. ― Taeyong said his first words in twenty minutes.

― I’m hungry. ― said Donghyuck.

― We just ate, Donghyuck. We literally just had lunch. ― Doyoung pointed out ― What is wrong with you?

―I’m growing. ― Donghyuck shrugged.

― And I am going to go for my class. ― Jaehyun stood up, taking his tray with him ― See you later, guys. Try not to kill each other.

They wall waved goodbye to Jaehyun, and not soon after it was Sicheng and Donghyuck who had to leave too. Yuta was munching on his chips and Doyoung scrolling on his phone, while Taeyong just stared at nowhere thinking about… well, nothing, really. His head was empty.

― Earth calls Taeyong. ― Yuta waved in front of his face, waking him up from the trance ― Are you ok?

― Uh, what? Yeah, I just had a blackout, I guess. ― he blinked several times, bringing himself back to reality.

― Thinking about your own crush? ― Doyoung rose his eyes from his phone just to give him a mocking look, his eyebrows moving in a suggestive way.

― I don’t have a crush. ― Taeyong took too long to reply and he could see how that made Doyoung’s eyes sparkle mischievously.

― I’ll pretend I believe you. But you’re so bad at pretending.

― I am not pretending.

― Who is she? ― Yuta suddenly asked. Taeyong didn’t want to look at him, because he knew Yuta was smiling that smile of his, that smile that said “ _I am happy for you_ ” and that was not the smile that Taeyong wanted to see right now. Nor ever, if the subject was his love life.

― I don’t have a crush. ― Taeyong repeated.

― Who is _he_ , maybe? ― Yuta insisted.

― Jesus, guys. ― Taeyong let out an annoyed grunt ― I don’t have a crush, leave my love life alone. It’s as good as it is.

― You mean dead? ― Doyoung teased.

Taeyong didn’t answer. Instead, he gave his friend a heavy and odious look and ignored Yuta’s pout right beside him.

 

― // ―

 

 


	3. that feeling in your chest

Taeyong hated himself for the way he was feeling about that whole Kun-spending-time-with-his-group situation that was going on for the last few days.

First, because he should be happy that his roommate was slowly becoming his and his’ friends friend. Second, because it wasn’t his group, since he was himself a guest in it. And third, because he didn’t like that feeling that grew in his chest every time he saw Yuta and Kun exchanging smiles and touches and all those Yuta-things.

If didn’t know about the bet ― that bet that he refused to know more about ―, he would probably be really happy about it and would look at Kun the same way he looked at any other of the guys. But he knew about the bet, and he knew Yuta thought Kun was hot, and that was what was making him go insane.

But he didn’t want to ask, and he didn’t want to show, so he was just doing his best to treat Kun nicely (after all, it was not his fault) and ignore that crippling feeling in his chest and just… like… go on with his life.

But that moment he was tired, because he hadn’t sleep enough last night, and his food was cold and he had so much work to do, so he was just… not wanting to deal with it or pretend it was fine. So, when Yuta pulled Kun closer by his shoulder and Kun laughed because of something Jaehyun had just said (and god damn Kun had a beautiful smile), Taeyong was unable to hide a frown and dropped his fork with a thump.

No one seemed to notice, except for the always observant Doyoung, who send him a questioning look. Tae avoided his gaze and stood up, only then catching some attention from his friends, and muttered something about a headache before grabbing his tray and leaving.

He was thankful no one followed him ― he didn’t feel like creating a whole story about his alleged headache or whatever. He just needed to be alone and think about stuff and get his shit together. So he made his way to the dorm, but halfway through he felt petty and decided he didn’t want to be in a place that had so much Kun in there; so he ended up in the library, pretending to be looking for a book just to get something to do instead of just sit and stare.

He didn’t want to admit, not even to himself, his own feelings. He didn’t even want to feel them. For the first time in a while he had friends, people who seemed to actually like him, and he was happy with his life in general. University was going smooth, despite the heavy work; his social life was alive; and his anxiety had dropped to a very low amount in the last weeks. He didn’t need those feelings to interfere with all that ― he didn’t want feelings to ruin everything.

He stared at the bookshelf, looking but not seeing, sighing and chewing his own lip, trying to come up with something ― anything ― that could solve the shit storm that was happening inside his head.  If only Johnny was there to listen to him and give him his good advices… but Taeyong could not talk to Johnny about that. The subject was one of Johnny’s friends, there was no way Taeyong would talk to him about it.

He didn’t even notice how long had he stay in there until he remembered he had his phone in silence mode since the first class. As soon as he looked at it, he was hit with five messages and the realization of how long he had been in there: it was almost four and he had skipped an entire class.

Cursing to himself he made his way back to the dorm to grab his stuff for the next class (which he was going to be late to) while reading the texts he had gotten.

> **Yuk | 15h33: bro where r u**
> 
> **Yuta | 14h20: where r u we are worried**
> 
> **Yuta | 14h00: we went 2 ur room but u werent there and I know u dont have classes till 3**
> 
> **Yuta | 13h31: whats wrong bro? pls say smth**
> 
> **Yuta | 12h27: r u ok?**

Taeyong didn’t feel like replying no any of those; he would just talk to Yukhei when he got to the next class. But Yuta… he didn’t know what to tell him at all. I mean, the guy even went to his room and found out he wasn’t there, so he couldn’t just pretend he fell asleep or whatever. He knew Yuta was in class in that moment and so was everyone else, so he wasn’t worried about bumping into them right now, which gave him some time to think about what to tell them.

But his plans went with the gut when he opened his room door and found Yuta lying on his bed, reading one of Kun’s magazines. There was no one else in there and Yuta immediately stood up as soon as the door opened.

― Jesus fucking Christ Lee Taeyong! ― he cursed, throwing the magazine to Kun’s bed ― What the fuck happened to you?  

Taeyong froze, panic all over him. He was not ready for this situation and certainly was not prepared to deal with Yuta in flesh so soon. He didn’t know what to say and so he didn’t say anything, and a very angry Yuta started rambling about how worried he was and how everyone was looking for him and what was wrong with him, was he not able to fucking reply to his texts? And Taeyong let him talk, feeling guilty and heavy, but simultaneously heart softened because everyone really did care for him and Yuta seemed really worried too and that was heart-warming.

― Just wait until Doyoung gets back from his class. ― Yuta was saying, in a very threatening way ― I had to promise not to leave this room, because he wanted to stay here until you came back. He is going to tear you to pieces for letting everyone in panic.

… and that was how Taeyong went from guilty-but-warm to fully-scared. If Doyoung was mad, then he was dead. He needed to leave the country and change his identity and never come back, because the moment Kim Doyoung saw him was going to be the moment Lee Taeyong would stop existing.

Yuta apparently seemed to read his thoughts, because he quickly ran to Taeyong and grabbed his arm, before closing the room’s door and locking them both in there.

― There is no fucking way you are going anywhere before you give me an explanation. ― he said ― And it better be a good one.

― Please save me from Doyoung. ― Taeyong begged.

Yuta softened, releasing his arm. The boy let out a deep sigh and Taeyong noticed how his brows were wrinkled and his face was filled with worry. Guilty made its way back to Taeyong.

― What happened? ― Yuta asked, more calmly. And his gaze was strong enough to break even the strongest of the spies. Taeyong gulped.

― I’m sorry. ― he finally said, and he was honest ― I was anxious and I needed to… I don’t know, just be alone. I was in the library this whole time, but I swear I didn’t see your messages, because my phone was in silence mode.

Yuta stared at him for a few more seconds, but eventually seemed to accept Taeyong’s explanation. With a deep sigh, his shoulders relaxed and everything in him became softer. Even his eyebrows.

― You scared us, you prick. ― he said, reaching out and pulling Taeyong for a hug ― Don’t ever do that again.

Taeyong felt overwhelmed, being so close to Yuta and surrounded by his warmth and his smell. But somehow managed to reciprocate the hug and let out a quiet “I won’t”.

But that didn’t save him from fifteen minutes of yelling and cursing as soon as Doyoung came back.

 

― // ―

 

Taeyong was in one of those days when everything seems to go wrong and not even a single drop of luck gets near him. And he was just thinking about all that and feeling all miserable for himself, when suddenly a pair or arms surrounded him and pulled him against a body in a surprising back hug.

― Guess who?

And Taeyong knew who it was ― fucking hell, how could he not? There was Yuta’s smell everywhere and that was definitely Yuta’s voice and Taeyong could recognize that purple sweatshirt anywhere. But he still took a few seconds to answer, because he needed that time to pull his shit together and, like, pretend he was not about to have a heart attack right in Yuta’s arms.

― I’m guessing… Yuta? ― he mumbled, doing his best to sound indifferent. But his face was so hot and his legs were shaking and oh my God he was so nervous. Why was Yuta such a touchy person? That was terrible for his weak heart.

― You’re guessing? ― Yuta was offended and Taeyong thought he would let him go, but apparently Yuta felt like killing him with softness that day. ― Damn it. Here was I thinking you could recognize anytime. I feel betrayed.

― Oh well ― Taeyong chuckled ― Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.

― Hmm. ― and then Yuta released him, and Taeyong felt simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to face Yuta, who smiled and pinched Taeyong’s cheek ― You ready for lunch?

― I was waiting for you. ― Taeyong answered, scrubbing his face where Yuta had pinched ― Where are the others?

― Already there, they left classes early.

― Now I’m the one who’s offended.

― Don’t be. ― Yuta put his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder and that was the cue for both to get walking ― Actually, I was thinking about bail them and go eat somewhere else.

― Hm, ok. ― Taeyong shrugged, disappointed. Lunch time was always fun and it was fun because he got to be with everyone. ― So… see you later?

― What? ― Yuta suddenly stopped and stared at Taeyong ― I meant with you, dumbass. ― he face palmed himself ― Sometimes you can be as smart as a rock.

― Oh. ― and Taeyong’s brain did feel like a rock in that moment. ― Ok?

― Just ok? I must say I am disappointed. I was expecting more enthusiasm. After all, the most handsome guy in school just invited you for lunch and all you say is “ok?”. And not even a convinced “ok”! What is an “ok?” What did I do wro…

― Ok! Ok! Ok! ― Taeyong yelled, elbowing Yuta in the stomach ― Now shut up, Yuta, I am hungry.

And that was how they ended up in that pizza place where they had already gone two thousand times with the others.

― How’s you brother, by the way? ― Yuta asked between two bites. Taeyong gave him a confused look.

― Aren’t you guys best friends? Why are you asking me?

Yuta looked away, clearly uncomfortable.

― We had some sort of… argument, I’d say. ― he replied ― We disagree on some love matters. So I haven’t been talking to him.

That raised so many questions in Taeyong’s head that he found himself unsure of what to ask. In the end, he ended up not asking anything, opting for a turn of subject instead.

― I see. ― he said ― He is fine, or at least he says so. But I haven’t been talking to him every day either.

― I see.    

To went back to eating their pizza in silence. That was not uncomfortable between them, for both of them appreciated a little bit of silence every now and then.

― How have you been doing? ― Taeyong asked minutes later. Yuta raised his eyes from his pizza to stare at the younger, a little bit surprised.

― I’m… fine? ― he mumbled. Taeyong chuckled.

― No, I mean: how are you? You never talk about you or what bothers you or anything. Just now you said you had a fight with my brother, but you are so good at pretending to be fine that… ― Taeyong stopped himself there, doubting if he should keep going or not. Yuta was staring at him with a mix of amazement and surprise ― What I mean to say is that you can talk about yourself too. You listen everyone, every day, but you never get to talk.

Yuta didn’t reply immediately, He took a moment of quiet reflection before saying anything, and Taeyong waited patiently. Finally, Yuta let out a soft chuckle and sent Taeyong a grateful look.

― I am actually doing ok. But thank you, Tae. I suppose you do have a point and I didn’t even notice it myself. I guess I just don’t want to burden my friends when they have their own problems to deal with. But you are right.

Taeyong was surprised by how honest Yuta had been. He certainly was not expecting that. And was even more amazed when Yuta reached out and held out his hand between his.

― You are a good friend, Taeyong. I am blessed to have you around and I must thank Johnny for that.

Well, to that, Taeyong didn’t have an answer, so he just smiled and stared at the pizza nervously. Yuta’s hands were soft and warm and Taeyong’s heart was beating too fast and too loud.

The rest of the lunch went smoothly and then they returned to campus and met the rest of the group before going to their classes. But Yuta’s touch remained in Taeyong’s hand for the rest of the day and even after he went to sleep.

 

― // ―


	4. drunk in love, drunk in life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS! I HOPE 2019 WILL BE A BETTER YEAR FOR ALL OF US <3

# Four: drunk in love, drunk in life

 

There were voices outside, and then a knock on the door. Taeyong let out a tired sigh and dragged himself of the bed to go answer the door, only to almost close it back when he saw it was just a drunk Yuta and a drunker Kun.

― No, Tae! ― Yuta stopped the door from closing and Tae just gave up, going back to bed while Yuta dragged Kun inside the room. The Japanese dropped the Chinese in his bed, not being careful at all, and let out a grunt before sitting on the floor. There was a moment of silence, during which Yuta just stared quietly at Taeyong, who in return was just trying to focus on his book.

― What? ― he asked after a while, tired of that stupid game.

― Why you no talk to me? ― Yuta questioned ― Me is sad.

― You is an idiot. ― Taeyong closed the book and looked back at Yuta ― And I am talking to you.

Yuta pouted, not answering. Then, suddenly, laid back on the floor and Taeyong just sighed in tiredness. He was so tired of playing pretend with Yuta, but he was trapped in that situation until, like, forever. Their friendship was getting stronger and so were his feelings for Yuta, which was such a big mess. And seeing him all friendly with Kun still made something unpleasant wake up inside him.

― Why are you both drunk? ― he finally asked.

― Because we were both at a frat party and ― Yuta yawned; his voice was low and he was talking really slow and really numbly ― we decided to come back together, because he wanted to sleep and I wanted to see you.

Taeyong’s heart stopped for a second before starting beating so fast it could fly. He gulped and looked away from Yuta to hide his feelings. Kun started snorting on his bed and suddenly Taeyong felt trapped, because that mean it was only him and Yuta. He hadn’t been alone with Yuta in weeks ― he always made sure to avoid that, because he couldn’t stand the anxiety that created.

― What do you need? ― Taeyong asked.

― To look at you. ― Yuta tilted his head and stared intensely at Taeyong, who started feeling really uncomfortable.

― Yuta, you’re drunk. Please go back to your room and sleep, it’s too late for us to… for you… for whatever. 

― I did thank Johnny, by the way. ― Yuta confessed, and Taeyong took a while to catch up with what he was talking about. Then he looked at the other one with pure shock. ― I thanked him for bringing you to me and he said you’re welcome bro and I said… I can’t remember what I said next. ― he paused, thinking, but gave up ― But at least he forgave me, right? Got my best friend back and to keep you too. All is good and all is fine and… I don’t think that’s how the quote goes, but anyway...

Yuta was just randomly rumbling and Taeyong wanted to not take him seriously, because he was so drunk; but suddenly a light lit up in his head and comprehension hit him: Yuta was in love with Johnny. And every single piece of the puzzle suddenly were placed together and everything just made sense. And even though he already knew that Yuta and him would never, ever be a thing, that sudden realization was like a punch in the stomach. Yuta would never like him because… because Yuta liked Johnny and Taeyong was so Taeyong.

He didn’t even realize he was tearing up until Yuta’s monologue suddenly stopped and the Japanese stood up in panic.

― Taeyong! Holy shit Taeyong, what’s wrong? ― he asked, reaching out to grab Taeyong’s shoulders. Taeyong, having Yuta so close and so sudden, and just realizing of how ridiculous that whole moment was, shook the elder away and stood up, walking away from him.

― Yuta, please, leave. ― he asked, almost begging.

Yuta seemed to almost sober up in that moment and the heartbroken look he sent Taeyong made it all worst. But he left, and Taeyong cried for the rest of the night.

 

― // ―

 

It was probably a coincidence that his mother called him to go home in that weekend, but it was the best coincidence ever and sure wasn’t going to say no to see his family and get away from everything for two days. So he packed, he texted Doyoung saying he was going to be out for the weekend, and he happily took the four hour trip back to Chicago.

Johnny came to pick him up at the bus station and, just like Taeyong hoped for, Johnny was just Johnny: talkative, curious, wanting to know everything about Taeyong’s life at school, always in a good mood. It was the warm breeze of comfort that Taeyong needed, the familiarity of everything. Then, at home, Ruby welcomed him with a big nasty lick on his face and he just felt as home as ever.

He spend the weekend mostly walking around after his family, going grocery shopping with his father, gardening with his mother, walking Ruby to the park, playing videogames with Johnny. Damn, he had missed all of that. He even decided to skip classes on monday just to stay one day more and, for that, Johnny took him to the movies.

― Dude, you have your own popcorn. ― protested Johnny right after Taeyong stole his popcorn for the third time.

― Mine are sweet and yours are salty, and I’m feeling like eating salty.

― Like yourself. Why didn’t you ask for salty instead of stealing mine?

― I was craving sweet in that moment.

― And I swear I’m craving a punch in your face.

― Rude.

Johnny chuckled, but didn’t complain any more about the popcorn, just ending up switching the buckets. Yeah, sure, Taeyong was a pain in the ass, but was also a tickle in his heart. He had a soft spot for his little brother.

The movie was nice and the siblings left with smiles on their faces, both happy for the evening and spending some quality time together. Taeyong was expecting to home right away, but Johnny surprised him by pulling over at McDonnald’s.

Of course everything was being too nice, so when Johnny asked about Yuta, Taeyong couldn’t even act surprised in any way. Sooner or later the topic would come out; after all, Yuta was his brother’s best friend, whom had become his own friend too. He was more surprised that it took so long.

― He’s alright. ― he replied to the question about how was the Japanese boy doing. How much could he say without spilling the tea?

― Hmm. ― Johnny was scanning his face ― And how are you?

― Fine…?

Johnny chuckled and flicked his forehead, then taking a sip from is coke. His eyes said “I know things” and his smile yelled “You can’t fool me” and Taeyong was wondering about just how much did his brother know and how.

Shit, maybe Yuta…

― I just want to say it’s ok. ― said Johnny softly ― You’re my brother and he’s my best friend and I just want you too to be happy. I’m gonna support you no matter what.

Taeyong choked on his own coke, confused.

― What? What are you even talking about?

― You too dating. ― Taeyong just could not believe that motherfucker was a) saying that and b) doing it with such a natural tone, like it was nothing.

― What? ― he repeated, louder this time, shock all over him and feeling his cheeks getting hot.

― What what? Don’t you like him?

“Shit”, thought Taeyong. His own brother had busted him. But how? How could Johnny even know? The same thought from earlier creeped on his mind, the idea that maybe Yuta had noticed and told Johnny. That was too embarrassing to even consider.

― Where did you get that from? ― he managed to ask, thankfully succeeding at not stuttering.

― Well, you kinda just gave it to me? ― Johnny laughed ― It was just a hint, but your reacting tells it all.

Taeyong let out a defeated sigh and Johnny gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder. At least, maybe, Yuta didn’t know.

― Tell me he doesn’t know. ― he begged.

― I don’t think so. ― Johnny was being honest ― But you’re not very difficult to read, man. You’re like an open book.

― Fuck. Shut up.

Johnny shrugged, took a sip from his coke and that was the end of the conversation.

 

― // ―

 

Back to his dorm, and ready to take over the world (except maybe not ― no, except totally not), Taeyong found himself drowning in self-pity. His conversation with Johnny had been both revealing and confusing, and he just couldn’t take out a proper meaning from it. The only thing he kind of managed to take from it was that a) his brother was an asshole (but that he already knew); and b) if he was so obvious about his feelings, then Yuta would not take very long to figure them out too (if he hadn’t yet).

How the hell was he going to get out of that shit show? It’s not like he could just stay away from Yuta or like he could supress his feelings. First, there was no way he was going to leave a great friend behind just because his heart had gone insane. And second, he knew none of his friends would just let him get away with that.

No ― get away from the problem was not going to fix it.

And he was thinking about solutions ― anything was a good idea in this point ―, when his phone buzzed and he was forced to leave the bed to get up and get it. It was, against all of his wishes, the devil himself texting him.

**Yuta: wanna go for a drink later?**

Taeyong sighed. There was definitely no freaking way he could ever just get away from Yuta. His heart was going crazy and his whole body was already feeling the expectation of seeing him. No, he would never fool anyone.

**Ty: sure.**

**Yuta: meet me @ the library at 9pm**

It was seven in the afternoon, so Taeyong had plenty of time to finish his duty of doing nothing and then get ready. What he was not expecting, not even close, was that “going out for a drink” actually meant “go to a frat party and get a lot of drinks”. So he was actually surprised when he found himself being lead by Yuta to the Kappa Kappa House.

― I was not expecting this. ― he said.

― Me neither. ― Yuta gave him one of those big smiles that could melt his knees ―  I was gonna legit take you to a pub, but then Taeil-hyung texted me and I just could not deny the Kappa Kappa Party.

Taeyong did his best not to show his disappointment, but follows Yuta inside anyway. Two guys were giving plastic cups to the people who were just arriving.

― That’s the only cup you’re gonna get, so keep it. ― advised the one who game him his cup. Well, that sure was a way of saving cups, and plastic, and money, and that was how Taeyong found himself holding one of those ridiculous and clichéd red cups. Yuta got a blue one.

― How do you feel? ― asked Yuta ― Dancing or drinking?

That was an easy question with an even easier answer. He sure could use some help dealing with his disappointment.

― Drinking. ― he replied, confidently. Yuta raised an eyebrow, surprised, but didn’t take long to drag him to the drinks table. There were all kinds of drinks in there, bottles and cans and punch. Taeyong attacked the latter because he knew it would be sweet enough for him to actually like it. Three cups and a can of beer later, he was dancing in the middle of the crowd and Yuta was nowhere to be seen.

Taeyong only really noticed that when Donghyuck pulled him away from the dance floor, asking him about the other boy.

― He left me. ― Taeyong shrugged, way too drunk to actually feel anything about it.

― I can see that. ― Donghyuck replied ― Come with me, you’re way too drunk and you’re gonna regret it if anyone records your weird ass dancing skills.

― I’m a great dancer!

― Sober, maybe; drunk, not really.

Donghyuck dragged Taeyong, despite his protests, until they found Jaehyun. The latter immediately jumped worriedly to help Taeyong stand on his own feet.

― What happened? ― he asked, directly to Donghyuck.

― Don’t know, found him already like this. Yuta’s gone.

― Yuta abandoned me. ― Taeyong whined. The more his friends talked about the boy, the more he felt his absence.

― I know, sweetheart ― Donghyuck patted his back ― he’ll come back soon for sure, but your reputation won’t.

Jaehyun patted Taeyong too, now looking at him when he spoke:

― What did you drink?  ― Taeyong made an effort to think ― he really did! ― but apparently he took too long and his silence was, itself, and answer. ― We need to get you out of here. ― Jaehyun sighed. ― Hyuck, can you for find Yuta? Where the fuck did he even go, he was the one who was responsible for Tae. And Kun, where is Kun? Where are those too assholes?

― Don’t know, making out? ― Donghyuck shrugged and Jaehyun gave him an annoyed look ― Don’t look at me like that. If they’re not making out with someone, they should.

― Jesus, Hyuck, please shut the fuck up and go find one of them.

Donghyuck so did, and Taeyong by now was getting angry and annoyed and feeling like a baby. So he took the moment when Jaehyun was distracted with his phone, maybe trying to call Yuta, and just got away from there as fast as he could. Ended up back at the drinks table and was fast to jug down a new beer before anyone could find him again.

 

― // ―

 

 

 


	5. if dreams were real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How're yall feeling about wayv? because I am dEAd

 

― Dude, you’re like a kid. ― complained Jaehyun, when he found Taeyong amidst the chaors. Taeyong would reply, but suddenly Yuta was there, all sweaty and sparkly and drunk.

― Hello, guys. ― he greeted, raising his read (red?) cup. ― Where have you been?

― Oh god, why. ― Jaehyun whined ― I’m too young to deal with this shit. Where is Doyoung when I need him?

― Probably fucking someone. ― Yuta replied. Taeyong himself felt shocked, for it was not usual for Yuta to speak like that. But he was drunk, so…

― Look ― Jaehyun ignored his observation ― You were supposed to be taking care of Taeyong. Donghyuck found him almost fucking a girl with his clothes one.

― That’s not true. ― Taeyong protested. He was just dancing with the girl! She was a nice girl, too.

― He’s an adult. ― Yuta frowned and in that moment he didn’t sound as drunk as he sounded.

― Tell that to Johnny. ― Jaehyun replied, and then left, leaving a drunk Yuta with a drunker-and-annoyed Taeyong.

― Sorry, man. ― Yuta said, turning to Taeyong and pulling him by his shoulders. Usually Taeyong would feel good about it, but in that moment the gesture only annoyed him more. ― I need to take care of a thing and I kinda lost track of time?

― Yeah, I bet. ― Taeyong didn’t mean to sound so annoyed, but then he didn’t care.

― Why are you so annoyed? You did have fun, didn’t ya? Or are you the mad-kin of drunk?

Taeyong didn’t answer, but let himself be guided outside. Yuta made him sit in the stairs.

― Ok, please wait here. ― the older ordered ― I’ll be right back, ok? Here, drink this, it’s just juice. ― he have him his own cup and Taeyong grabbed it without a word ― Don’t. Leave.

Yuta was gone again and Taeyong was left alone in the stairs, all bout noise behind him and silence ahead. Took a sip from the cup ― it was, indeed, juice. Just plain lemonade. Who has lemonade on a party? And so he waited to Yuta to return. And waited. And waited. And waited.

Until someone sat on his side and greeted him.

― Hey!

― You’re not Yuta. ― Taeyong observed.

― No, I’m Hansol, but I do know Yuta. ― the guy smiled ― Nice to meet you!

― Nice.

― I think I’ve seen you before. What’s your name?

Taeyong would roll his eyes to that if his brain was working by himself, but his whole body was working and alcohol and so he just answered:

― Taeyong.

― You’re not much of a talker, are you?

― Not really.

― Hey. ― Yuta’s voice reached them from behind and then Hansol was being pushed away from Taeyong ― Hansol, you’re drunk, go home.

― I don’t want to go alone. ― Hansol whined.

― Not my problem. Get the fuck out, dude.

Hansol went back to the party and Yuta pushed a water bottle into Taeyong’s hands, removing the lemonade cup at the same time. Taeyong stared at the bottle for a moment before his brain said “drink”, and so he did.

― Are you ok? ― Yuta asked. ― How much did you drink? ― Taeyong shrugged ― Wanna go home? ― shrug ― Ok, up up, I’m taking you home. ― It required some team effort to make Taeyong stand up,  but eventually they both found their rhythm walking back home. ― Keep drinking the water. You need to sober up.

― I was having fun before Donghyuck. ― Taeyong whined.

― Yeah, bet you were.

― I’m serious! ― and then Taeyong was annoyed again ― And what were you even doing? Left me alone in there!

― Sorry for that. I didn’t notice I took that long.

― Bet you didn’t. ― and even Taeyong was surprised with how biter he sounded, so he just ignored the way Yuta looked at him.

― Hey, I know you’re mad. ― Yuta grabbed his wrist and made them both stop walking ― But this is not a good time to have a fight, We are both drunk.

― I am fine! ― Taeyong was not fine and he knew that, but everything about Yuta was just making mad at the moment ― Just leave me. I was fine and I am still fine and I will continue to be. Just go back to the party and keep making make out with Kun or whatever you were doing.

Damn, he sounded so biter!

― I was not! ― Yuta protested, offended ― Look, I’m sorry, ok? You’re right and I’m sorry!

― So you were making out with Kun? ― was that seriously all that he cared about? Apparently, yeah.

― Fuck not! ― Yuta seemed disgusted ― But why do you even care anyway? I’m sorry I left you alone and all that, but I don’t want to argue with you right know. Why are you being an ass? I already said I’m sorry.

Taeyong knew it was better to just stay quiet after that, since Yuta was right. So he just looked away and started walking again in silence, hearing Yuta a few steps away. There were just the two of them and the cicadas, the silence sounding too loud and the street lights way too bright.

― You can go back. ― he said after a while, when Yuta was back on his side. The latter gave him a confused look. ― I’m sorry I was an ass and you can do whatever you want, it really isn’t none of my business. You can go back to the party, I can find my way home from here. I’m pretty much sober by now.

― I can see that. ― Yuta smiled and flicked his forehead, Taeyong letting out a hurt “ouch!” ― But I’d rather go home too.

Taeyong knew better than to insist, so silence fell between them again. Quite soon after, they were walking inside the dorm building and Taeyong felt suddenly tired and suddenly craving his bed.

― I’m taking you for coffee tomorrow. ― Yuta suddenly said ― To make you up for today.

― You don’t have to.

― But I want to.

Taeyong didn’t reply and they got inside the elevator. It felt like some weird, tipsy flashback, but this time Yuta smelled like alcohol and smoke and not like his nice cologne. Taeyong wanted to smell his cologne and not this.

― I don’t have anything with your roommate, by the way. ― Yuta explained.

― Not my business. ― Taeyong replied, and there it was that god damn bitterness that he just couldn’t hide.

― Right. ― Yuta mumbled. Taeyong could swear he sounded disappointed, but decided his mind was just playing tricks. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out to the corridor. They looked at each other like they were going to say goodbye, being both on opposite ends of the building, but what Yuta said was not a “goodnight”, but a: ― I’m think I’m drunker than I feel. Wow, my head is spinning.

He didn’t seem drunk at all and Taeyong frowned.

― Just get in bed, idiot. ― he joked and Yuta smiled.

― I will. Just hope I don’t do anything crazy before getting there, you know?

― Your door is right there, what could you even do?

But before Taeyong could even laugh or joke some more, Yuta was leaning in and… oh shit Yuta was kissing him. Yuta was kissing him! And his lips were so soft, despite the smell of alcohol, and Taeyong found himself so choked that Yuta was about to retrieve when he finally answered the kiss. He didn’t know what the hell was going on, but he was not going to miss that opportunity. He was an idiot, but not stupid.

And then Yuta’s hands were on his jaw and cheeks, and his lips were moving against Taeyong’s and oh my god it was so nice. So he just closed his eyes and let it happen, because maybe none of them would remember that by morning, maybe Yuta would regret it profusely, or maybe Yuta would forget about it all (no way Taeyong would forget), so he just had that one moment to feel it: Yuta’s lips, Yuta’s touch, Yuta’s kiss.

Taeyong was kind of a germophobe and usually thought that French kissing was gross (1) tongues are weird and 2) saliva, ew), but he totally didn’t care when it was Yuta’s tongue in his mouth ― so he let hem and even played along, just floating and feeling and… was he dreaming?

Next thing he remembers is waking up in his bed, in his dirty clothes, late for his class and with a heel of a headache. But the worst part was the feeling of not knowing how did he get there and what was real and what was not.

 

― // ―

 

Taeyong woke up with a bang on his door and, without leaving his bed, just yelled a “come in”. Sicheng came inside, followed by Jaehyun.

― Hey man, how are you? ― asked the latter, worried, and Taeyong just hummed a reply.

― Same, bro. ― Sicheng laughed ― Heard last night was tough?

― You heard right. ― Jaehyun mocked ― So, Tae, are coming to have lunch with us or not? We’re starving here, waiting for you and all.

― Shit, is it that late already? ― Taeyong jumped from the bed and checked the time. Almost 13h already. He had skipped all of his morning classes and slept through them!

Still lazy and not feeling the best vibes, he followed his friends without further ado. Thank god he took a shower first thing in the morning and put on some comfortable clothes (and then, yes, he went back to bed and he was supposed to just take a nap and skip the first class, but…).

He sat next to Taeil and bickered his salmon, not paying any attention to the chaos around him. Doyoung was apparently mocking someone (not him) and Jaehyun was tagging along (not new). And then suddenly Doyoung whistled and Taeyong raised his eyes and Yuta was there.

― Shit. ― he mumbled to himself, because he was not ready to meet him yet. He still had to figure out last night and if the kiss had been a dream or not!

― You ok? ― Jaehyun leaned to Taeyong as Yuta sat across from them. Taeyong couldn’t help but look scared.

― I’m f-fine. ― he stuttered back. There was no way he was gonna tell anyone about his (possible) dream, and there was no way he was going to even look at Yuta in the eyes.

So he stood up, grabbed his tray and apologized to his friends before leaving in a hurry, mumbling something about having stuff to do. He knew that would haunt him later, but for now it was what he could manage to do.

He got back in his bed and munched some cookies to make up for the meal he didn’t get to finish.  Everything was so messed up. What was real and what was not?

 

― // ―

 

― Hey guys, how did I get home last night?

It was dinner time and Jaehyun had dragged him there without any care for his will. So now he was having his first full meal in the whole day, surrounded by friends (and Yuta), and the question just slipped out before he could think twice about it.

― I think Yuta took you. ― Donghyuck replied ― Why? You don’t remember getting home?

― Apparently I don’t. ― he was staring at his plate like an idiot, perfectly aware of Yuta’s and everyone’s gaze on him.

― Did you take him home? ― Doyoung asked, and Taeyong knew he was talking to Yuta.

― I did. ― Yuta’s reply was too cold for his usual self and that caught Taeyong off guard. When he looked up, Yuta was frowning.

― Did anything happen? ― Taeil giggled ― Did any of you do any drunk shit? I want videos.

― Nothing happened! ― Taeyong quickly replied, and Donghyuck looked at him with big suspicious eyes and a big knowing smile.

― How can you know if you don’t remember? ― he asked. Taeyong just sank on his chair, blushing. So Donghyuck turned back to Yuta ― So? Did anything happen?

― Nothing happened. ― Yuta replied, still cold. And apparently that was it for everyone to drop the topic and move on to something else. Taeyong didn’t know if he should feel relieved or disappointed. He ended up just feeling pathetic for having a wet dream with Yuta.


	6. Six: nothing but the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is the end. Thank you so much to everyone who read and left comments and said nice things! You are the best readers in the world <3

There was a knock and Taeyong yelled “Come in”, and then Yuta was right there. Taeyong let out a gasp in surprise, before getting up, trying to make himself look a little bit less messy.

― Hey. ― said Yuta.

― Hey. ― replied Taeyong.

― You up for coffee?

Taeyong looked at his book, as if looking for an excuse to refuse. But it wasn’t even a school book ― just a plain, non-academic novel ― and he couldn’t think of any excuse to give.

― Sure. ― he complied with a knot on his throat.

― Great. ― Yuta smiled. Not his big, bright smile, and Taeyong couldn’t help but notice he has been quite cold the whole day. ― Sorry, I meant to ask you later, but didn’t have the chance. But I promised, so…

Oh. So that had really happened.

― You don’t have to- ― Taeyong stopped and sighed ― Forget it, we don’t need to really do it.

― But I want to. ― Yuta sounded disappointed.

Taeyong nodded in response and, grabbing his stuff, followed the older out. The walk to the cafeteria was quiet and awkward, and Taeyong wondered why. I mean, he had dreamed of the kiss, right? So why where them both so awkward with each other? Could something else have happened? Or maybe Yuta was mad at Taeyong for being so annoying about the whole Kun thing? (At least that part he knew was real).

They sat at their usual table, asked for hot chocolate and then Taeyong finally found his guts to speak.

― I’m really sorry if I said anything unpleasant last night. ― he apologized.

― It’s fine. ― Yuta replied ― You didn’t.

― Still sorry.

Yuta looked away and silence sat in again, until Yuta finally asked:

― Do you really not remember how you got home?

― Not sure. ― Taeyong decided to be honest ― Like, I kinda remember walking with you and stuff, but I woke kind of… foggy? So I’m not sure it really happened?

― It did. ― Yuta’s voice was so firm that Taeyong looked at him in surprise.

― What else? ― he managed to ask, but immediately regretted the question. Yuta took a few seconds to reply, which was just a shrug that didn’t really answer the question. The waitress came with the drinks and the moment was lost, so they both stare at their hot chocolates in silence.

― I’m sorry I left you alone. ― Yuta finally broke the silence.

― I believe you said that already…? ― Taeyong tried to smile in an attempt to ease the tension. Yuta smiled back.

― Just making sure.

Taeyonh chuckled and suddenly, finally, the tension was gone and they were back to their usual selves. But of course it couldn’t last forever, could it? Because out of the blue, popping out from nowhere, Oh fucking Sehun came to their table and, with a mocking smile, asked:

― So, are you guys dating now or something?

― What? ― Taeyong looked at him in shock. Yuta frowned, also quite surprised. Sehun blinked innocently, waiting,

― Saw you kissing in the dorm last night, and now you’re all lovey-dovey here... By the way, sorry for the interruption but I was so curious, oh my God… Anyway, are you? Not judging, you guys are cute.

Taeyong felt his jaw drop, face heat and heart racing. What the hell? Now he was the one screaming “oh my God” internally. Yuta said something among the lines of “Sehun, will you please fuck off and bother someone else?” and the younger left, but Taeyong was too busy having a panic attack to actually listen.

― Shit. ― was all that Taeyong said when Yuta looked back at him. ― So that happened?

Yuta gulped visibly, and Taeyong was even more shocked to see him blushing. And in that freaking moment, Taeyong knew that he had dreamt nothing and it was all very much real. Yuta had really kissed him last night, holy shit. And Yuta lied by saying nothing had happened! Oh God, he probably regretted it so much and that’s why he didn’t want to admit it.

― Oh God. ― Taeyong buried his face on his own hands, ashamed, just wanting to disappear.

― I’m sorry, Tae. ― Yuta finally said, his voice soft ― I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to hate me, so please don’t hate me for it. It was a… ― he interrupted himself with a sigh, unable to say the words himself. Taeyong finally looked at him, now not just ashamed, but also feeling really humiliated and mad.

― It was a mistake? ― he dared to ask, and he saw the moment Yuta regretted his own almost-said words. Taeyong knew he shouldn’t feel this mad, but he did, and at the same time all he wanted to do was kiss the boy and say it was not a mistake, but he couldn’t. No, he couldn’t deal with more rejection.

But then something changed: Yuta’s eyes changed. Suddenly, his face was all Determination and Coolness, and he said:

― No. ― And Taeyong was so surprised for the sudden change that he almost forgot why he was so mad. ― It was not a mistake and I do not regret doing it.  ― Taeyong just kept silent, because he was not expecting that. There was something growing inside him, and Taeyong didn’t want to call it hope, but… well, it was. ― Now, please, don’t hate me.

And as fast and Yuta changed to Determined-Yuta, he went back to Scared-Yuta and Taeyong was just being Utterly-Shocked-Taeyong.

― Only if you don’t hate me. ― he finally said ― I’m glad I… I’m glad it wasn’t a dream. I thought I dreamt it.

Yuta chuckled, his eyes lighting up and the corner of his lips rising.

― Want to go somewhere else? ― he asked. The moment just fell to pieces and Taeyong felt his throat tighten. Was he being rejected or what the fuck was going on? What kind of question is that? He practically confessed in there!

― I haven’t finished my drink. ― he replied, frowning.

― I’ll get you another one later.

Ok, now Yuta just sounded like he wanted to get away from Taeyong and Taeyong was just not having that. So he just grabbed his drink, slugged it all in one go, and stood up.

― Ok. ― he said, and then he left the coffee shop without looking back. He could not look at Yuta right now or else he would probably cry or yell or do both. And he was almost convinced he was getting away with it, because he couldn’t hear Yuta following, but then the latter called him and Taeyong sighed in defeat.

I mean, he knew he was being childish, but he was feeling too overwhelmed with contradictory feelings and his throat was sore and his heart was aching. He felt a grip on his wrist and was forced to stop, turning to Yuta without actually looking at him.

― Tae, please. ― Yuta begged ― Let me take you back to the dorms, please.

… and Taeyong was mad again.

― You were kicking me out just now. ― he released himself from Yuta’s grip ― Stop messing with me, it’s not fun and it’s not fair.

― I just wanted to leave that place and be alone with you. ― Yuta replied, annoyed ― Please, just listen.

― Just say it.

Yuta sighed deeply and Taeyong was still not looking him in the eyes. But Taeyong put his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder and Taeyong finally looked at him.

― Listen. ― Yuta said softly ― I like you. Like, really like you, and that’s why I kissed you. I really want to believe it’s not one-sided, but if it is, I am really sorry and please, please, don’t leave me. I don’t want to lose your friendship.

Taeyong took a while to assimilate that many words that meant so much. Maybe this time he was really dreaming? No, he could not, because Yuta’s grip on his shoulder was very, very real.

― It’s… ― he tried to speak, but his voice cracker, so he cleared his throat before trying again ― It’s not one sided. ― there, he said it! ― Please don’t get away from me.

Yuta immediately hugged him and Taeyong just hugged him back with second thinking, because hugging Yuta was just a part of who they were. It only sank in ― the fact that they had both confesses to each other ― when he felt a kiss on his hair.

― So, does that mean that I can, like, kiss you and stuff without being drunk and without having to pretend it didn’t happen? ― asked Yuta, and Taeyong could _feel_ his smile. So he smiled too, tacking a step back – just the enough to look him in the eyes, but without leaving his arms.

― Please, be my guest. ― he dared to reply. And Yuta certainly was not a man to waste his opportunities, so he kissed Taeyong right there and right in that moment.

It wasn’t a messy kiss like the one from last night ― there wasn’t even a tongue involved now. But it was still a pretty hot and good kiss, all tender and sweet and full of perfection. It just felt so right to be kissed by Yuta that he actually sighed in the middle of it.

When they broke up, Taeyong kept his eyes closed just for a little bit more, not ready yet to face the world. He was just way too happy. So Yuta pecked him in the lips until they were both laughing like kids, messy lover boys in love.

― Is this really happening? ― Taeyong wondered out loud, just way too light.

― Definitely. ― Yuta kissed him again. And then again, and again, and again, until their ears were cold and their lips were swollen. It was cold outside and eventually even their warm hearts couldn’t handle it, so Yuta took Taeyong’s hand and pushed him ― Come on, let’s go somewhere warm.

― Kun’s not around this week. ― Taeyong said, not even thinking about it. All he could feel was utter happiness and Yuta’s fingers interlaced with his.

― What are you implying, Lee? ― Yuta teased.

― That you’re an asshole by thinking shit. I’m a pure soul and you will not corrupt me, Nakamoto. ― he slapped Yuta’s arm, who just laughed ― I’m just saying that we can go to my room and make that Harry Potter marathon you promised me last month.

― Fine.

Taeyong looked at Yuta in surprised. He didn’t even hesitate! Yuta didn’t even like Yuta, yet het didn’t even hesitate on the proposal. Yuta noticed his shock and sent him a teasing smile and a wink.

― What? ― he laughed ― I don’t like Harry Potter, but I do like you.

Taeyong blushed, but managed to still find his words:

― If I knew it was this easy…

― Don’t. ― Yuta interrupted ― It was not easy at all. It was hard as fuck. I even fought with your brother because he thought I was going to hurt you. Can you imagine that? Like I could ever do that to you. I do not intend to fucking do so! So no, it was not easy at all.

There it was: the rest of the dots, connecting themselves and giving Taeyong the whole picture. They had been crushing on each other like idiots for a while, apparently. And bloody Johnny knew it the whole time!

They finally arrived to the dorm, sighing in relief when they felt the warm air inside. And then they were in front of Taeyong’s room door and he didn’t know what to do. Should he do something? Now what? So he made the decision in the five seconds it took him to open the door, and the decision was: just act like you always have.

So they sat on his bed, laptot on his knees, sharing a blanket and getting ready for a movie marathon, just like they had done thousands of times before. Yuta’s head was on Taeyong’s shoulder, just like always, too ― except, this time, the little flirt would occasionally steal kisses from Taeyong and his hand wouldn’t leave Taeyong’s.

Then, when Taeyong was closing the first movie and opening the second, the question popped up and, because he could even filter it, he was asking:

― So, is this for real? Like…

― No, they’re movies. ― Yuta rolled his eyes ― It’s all fiction. Rowling made that up.

― Not that. ― Taeyong sighed.

― Oh. ― Yuta understood and looked at Taeyong with surprise; then, two seconds of thinking later, he added ― Well, I would very much like to be very much exclusive with you, if that’s alright.

Taeyong smiled, relieved, and gave him a flick on the forehead before pecking his lips.

― I would very much like that too. ― he replied.

― Well ― Yuta grinned ― if only I knew it would be that easy…

Taeyong laughed, pushing him away.

― Shut up, it was really not easy at all.


End file.
